Self Care During the Holidays

Blog by Ashley Simpson, LCSW at Agape Therapy Institute

The holiday season can be a stressful time for everyone. If you have a history of negative memories during the holidays, strained relationships with family, financial stress, loss, and the list goes on… the holidays are infinitely more stressful. So… what are some things that we can do to take care of ourselves during this time?

1. Take some down time.
   Often, businesses and schools are closed for a time during December. Schedule some time for yourself. Guilt free. If you have kids this can be after they are in bed or while they are in the care of someone else. Take some time to do something that you genuinely enjoy. And may I add, taking time away from social media, email, and probably your phone in general, during this down time is highly recommended.
2. Keep things simple. 
   There can be a lot of pressure at the holidays. To buy the right gift. To make the perfect dish. To have the perfect decorations. To be there for everyone and every event on everyone else’s schedule. Practice saying “No” when you need to. Pare down your schedule, your shopping list, etc. Think about what you truly value and focus your energy and time on that.
3. Practice gratitude.
   With everything going on in 2020 this may seem impossible at times. Take a moment to sit by yourself. Close your eyes, and when you think of the word “gratitude”, what is the first thing that pops into your head? Does the image of someone’s face appear? Do you hear laughter? Do you imagine a beautiful day in your favorite place? Take a few minutes to sit with the word “gratitude” and see what comes up for you.
4. Acknowledge all of your feelings.
   2020 has been a year. This year the holidays may look different for you than in years past. You may not be able to travel, to be with people you love. You may have lost someone this year. Grief can have an extra sting at the holidays. Acknowledge feelings of loss, sadness, anger, etc. If you have lost someone, this may be a good time to do something to remember them. Visit a place that reminds you of them. Acknowledge them in some way in your home. Take some time to sit with memories of them. Creating a ritual to acknowledge your loss can help you cope with these feelings. If you have long-lasting sadness and trouble functioning in areas of your life due to these feelings of grief, I encourage you to seek out a counselor or grief support group. You may need some additional support in dealing with your loss.
5. Find some magic.
   At this time of year you can find twinkly lights after dark, hear soft, happy music playing, smell people cooking their favorite comfort food. There are a lot of things at this time of year that can bring joy. If you did not get to experience this magic as a child, give yourself permission to experience this now, in this moment.
   For example: Look at the holiday lights as if you have never seen them before. Gaze at them as if you were a child. Take a moment to stand in front of them and really look. Notice the care with which the person put them up. The patterns, the colors, everything you see. Notice how this makes you feel. Find your inner smile.

Take time for yourself, find simple moments of joy, and seek your spirit of thankfulness and magic. Doing so can increase your feelings of pleasure during this time and reduce your stress. If this time of year is triggering for you due to childhood trauma, complicated family dynamics, grief, etc., I encourage you to speak with a therapist about this. Talking about and resolving these issues can help you to move forward and make new memories. 

Be well. 

Book an appointment with Ashley Simpson, LCSW by clicking here.

---

Photo by Photo by Kaushal Moradiya from Pexels

The Power of Gratitude

Blog by Ashley Simpson, LCSW at Agape Therapy Institute

If you enter into a Google search “science behind gratitude” you will get 96,500,000 articles. Obviously, there is something to gratitude. What is gratitude? How is it beneficial? How can I build a gratitude practice?

What is gratitude?

Gratitude is the practice of feeling and acknowledging appreciation. It is focusing, intentionally, on the things that we have, instead of thinking of the things we do not have. It can be focusing on things in your life (your health, your home, your relationship, your kids, etc.), it can be broader things (the sunshine, a sweet smell in the air from spring flowers), or it can be concrete things (a phone call from a friend, a gift, words of encouragement from a coworker). It can be anything that you feel thankful for. Gratitude is noticing those feelings and what you are thankful for.

How is it beneficial?

There are studies about the impact of gratitude on the brain. Practicing gratitude has shown to increase levels of dopamine (the pleasure neurotransmitter), serotonin (the happiness neurotransmitter) and oxytocin (the love/cuddle neurotransmitter) in the brain. Gratitude stimulates areas of the brain that make us feel connected to the world and others, feel heard and seen, and feel happy. It can reduce physical pain, help with sleep, and reduce stress.

Practicing gratitude can literally change your frame of mind. The more you increase your practice of gratitude, the easier it will be to find things to be grateful for, even in tough situations, therefore increasing your resilience. This enables us to better see the “sunshine through the clouds” - that little silver lining that some may see, while others may not. We can see the positives and focus on those things, and that positive frame of mind can help alleviate these mental and emotional symptoms of depression. 

How can I build a gratitude practice?

• Building Intention
  Start noticing things that you feel grateful for. One practice idea is to notice three things from the day before that you feel grateful for. Start thinking about these in the morning when you wake up, when you lay down to go to sleep, when you’re in the shower, or while you are driving; whatever time works where you give yourself a few moments to really notice your thoughts.

• Journaling
  Another form of gratitude practice is writing down the things you are grateful for. This builds your intention by giving yourself a goal and a place to write down your thoughts. An idea that can be effective is to leave the journal on your nightstand so it is there when you lay down to go to sleep, or when you wake up in the morning, and you can have your journaling time at the same time and place every day. One practice could be to write down those three things that you started noticing daily, and make that your practice for 21 days.

• Write a Gratitude Letter
  Write a thank you letter to a friend, family member, coworker, etc. thanking them for something they have done or given to you.
  Write a letter that you do not intend to send. This could be a letter to a loved one who has passed away, or a letter to someone you are not speaking to. Take some time to write to them about the things you are thankful for about them. Then do what you wish with the letter.

• Loving Kindness Meditation
  There is a specific type of meditation called a “Loving Kindness Meditation.” In this scripted meditation we sit with loving, kind thoughts towards others and towards ourselves. This is a practice you can do while you are having a few quiet moments to yourself. There is a meditation hereand here that you could try. 

For more information on gratitude, check out the articles here, here, and here.

Book an appointment with Ashley by clicking here.

---

Photo by Marcus Wöckel from Pexels

Mental Health and the Bisexual Community

Blog by Tanya Scuccimarra, GSCI at Agape Therapy Institute

Did you know that the largest population within the LGBTQ+ community are those who self-identity as Bisexual? 

Robyn Ochs, known bisexual activist and author, defines bisexuality as, “the potential to be attracted—romantically and/or sexually—to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.” 

The nuances highlighted in this definition are important because stigma & misconception and discrimination about bisexuality can have a profound impact on the mental health of bisexual individuals.

Stigma & Misconception:

• “they are just confused about their attractions” 
• “they are just experimenting”
• “they are secretly homosexual or lesbian and too afraid to ‘come out’”
• “they are more likely to cheat on a partner because they are attracted to everyone”

Discrimination

Many who identify as bisexual feel unaccepted by both the heterosexual and lesbian and gay communities. Bisexual individuals often hide their identity from family, friends, and peers, especially if they are in a relationship with someone of the ‘opposite’ gender. This is called bi-erasure or the dismissal of the existence of bisexuality. Being unable to express your identity for fear of rejection and/or discrimination, having a sense of un-belonging, and feeling invisible within communities can produce anxiety, stress, depression and result in isolation. 

Healthful Steps  

So, what are some of the healthful steps that you can take as a bisexual person that will improve your mental health outlook and empower your identity? 

• Take charge of your mental health. Therapy can be an important step in living your truth.
• Read articles and books by authors who identify as bisexual. 
• Watch documentaries about bisexuality and television shows with bisexual characters. 
• Learn bisexual history. You are never alone—many have come before you.
• Follow bisexual activists and other members of the “B” community on social media.
• Contact local LGBTQ+ orgs as they have meetups, peer support groups, and other ways to become involved and feel supported by your community.

Book an appointment with Tanya by clicking here.

---

Photo by Marcelo Chagas from Pexels.