Self Care During the Holidays

Blog by Ashley Simpson, LCSW at Agape Therapy Institute

The holiday season can be a stressful time for everyone. If you have a history of negative memories during the holidays, strained relationships with family, financial stress, loss, and the list goes on… the holidays are infinitely more stressful. So… what are some things that we can do to take care of ourselves during this time?

1. Take some down time.
   Often, businesses and schools are closed for a time during December. Schedule some time for yourself. Guilt free. If you have kids this can be after they are in bed or while they are in the care of someone else. Take some time to do something that you genuinely enjoy. And may I add, taking time away from social media, email, and probably your phone in general, during this down time is highly recommended.
2. Keep things simple. 
   There can be a lot of pressure at the holidays. To buy the right gift. To make the perfect dish. To have the perfect decorations. To be there for everyone and every event on everyone else’s schedule. Practice saying “No” when you need to. Pare down your schedule, your shopping list, etc. Think about what you truly value and focus your energy and time on that.
3. Practice gratitude.
   With everything going on in 2020 this may seem impossible at times. Take a moment to sit by yourself. Close your eyes, and when you think of the word “gratitude”, what is the first thing that pops into your head? Does the image of someone’s face appear? Do you hear laughter? Do you imagine a beautiful day in your favorite place? Take a few minutes to sit with the word “gratitude” and see what comes up for you.
4. Acknowledge all of your feelings.
   2020 has been a year. This year the holidays may look different for you than in years past. You may not be able to travel, to be with people you love. You may have lost someone this year. Grief can have an extra sting at the holidays. Acknowledge feelings of loss, sadness, anger, etc. If you have lost someone, this may be a good time to do something to remember them. Visit a place that reminds you of them. Acknowledge them in some way in your home. Take some time to sit with memories of them. Creating a ritual to acknowledge your loss can help you cope with these feelings. If you have long-lasting sadness and trouble functioning in areas of your life due to these feelings of grief, I encourage you to seek out a counselor or grief support group. You may need some additional support in dealing with your loss.
5. Find some magic.
   At this time of year you can find twinkly lights after dark, hear soft, happy music playing, smell people cooking their favorite comfort food. There are a lot of things at this time of year that can bring joy. If you did not get to experience this magic as a child, give yourself permission to experience this now, in this moment.
   For example: Look at the holiday lights as if you have never seen them before. Gaze at them as if you were a child. Take a moment to stand in front of them and really look. Notice the care with which the person put them up. The patterns, the colors, everything you see. Notice how this makes you feel. Find your inner smile.

Take time for yourself, find simple moments of joy, and seek your spirit of thankfulness and magic. Doing so can increase your feelings of pleasure during this time and reduce your stress. If this time of year is triggering for you due to childhood trauma, complicated family dynamics, grief, etc., I encourage you to speak with a therapist about this. Talking about and resolving these issues can help you to move forward and make new memories. 

Be well. 

Book an appointment with Ashley Simpson, LCSW by clicking here.

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Relationship Tips for 2020 – Part 5

Blog post by Jenn Baker, GSCI at Agape Therapy Institute

Welcome to the fifth and final installment of Relationship Tips for 2020. If you have the time, please check out Parts 1 through 4 for tips on acknowledging your partner, taking time for yourself, connecting with friends and family, and communicating more effectively. 

I’d like to follow up on last week’s relationship tips and have you check in with yourself. Did you have a chance to think about the ways in which you communicate in your relationship? Were you able to try out the dedicated listening or speaking tips from last week? How did it go? It takes time to become comfortable communicating and relating in new ways. Please be patient and kind to yourself as you try out these new skills. If you’ve struggled with this, know that you are taking the first step toward improving your relationship just by reading these tips and focusing on yourself and your relationship. 

Since some of these tips are more challenging than others, I decided to save my favorite tip for last. 

This week I’d like you to focus on:

Having Fun Together! 

Most importantly, make sure that you schedule time for you as a couple to have fun together. Set aside this precious time each and every week to play and connect. Focus on the things that you love to do together. If necessary, find creative ways to modify and adapt these experiences at home or outside. 

A few ideas include:

• Plan a romantic date night
• Play games together
• Re-enact your first date
• Spend time learning new things about each other
• Cook a meal together
• Cook a meal together
• Make lists of places you want to go together and things you want to do together
• Go for a bike ride or walk outside
• Give each other massages
• Volunteer in your community
• Read to each other
• Redecorate e or fix up your home

I hope that you have enjoyed learning about ways to foster joy and connection in your relationships.

Be well within! 

Book an appointment with Jenn by clicking here.

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Relationship Tips for 2020 – Part 4

Blog by Jenn Baker, GSCI at Agape Therapy Institute

Welcome to Part four of Relationship Tips for 2020. If you haven’t already, you can read Parts 1, 2 and 3 for tips on acknowledging your partner, taking time for yourself, and connecting with friends and family. 

I’d like to follow up on last week’s relationship tips and have you check in with yourself. Were you able to find some time to connect with a friend or family member through the phone, text, virtually, or in-person? When our lives get busy, we so often overlook these important ways in which to care for ourselves and our relationships. You may want to consider setting aside time on your calendar each week for this important time. 

For this week, I’d like you to focus on:

• Communicating More Effectively – I’m sure you’ve heard it many times before, but communication is one of the most important keys to a successful relationship. This week’s tip focuses on listening and communication skills. So often in a relationship we spend more time thinking about what we want to say rather than actively listening to our partner. When we are feeling angry or hurt, it is especially difficult to listen to our partner with an open heart and mind. Here are a few helpful tips to try out:

•  When Listening:
• Practice listening without judging, interrupting, or correcting your partner.
• Try to remain vulnerable and non-defensive.
• Repeat back to your partner what you have heard them say. This simple act will help your partner feel heard and understood.

• When Speaking:
• Focus on your feelings rather than blaming or criticizing your partner.
• Use “I” statements and make sure to identify how you feel. For example, “I feel hurt and worried when you don’t respond to my texts.”

Stay tuned for next week’s blog with another relationship tip for 2020.

Citations:

Koch-Sheras, P. R., & Sheras, P. L. (2006). Couple power therapy: Building commitment, cooperation, communication, and community in relationships. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

To book an appointment with Jenn Baker, GSCI click here

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